Ready to Change Your Life?

When we change the quality of our thinking, we change the quality of our life.  Brian Tracy states in “Change Your Thinking Change Your Life” we have complete control over our thinking.  It all starts with our thoughts.  Positive thoughts are life enhancing.  The more positive and optimistic we are, the happier we will be.  Positive thinking leads to mental health and peak performance.  Negative thoughts or negative statements made by us will cause us to feel frustrated, unhappy, defensive and angry.  We need to choose our thoughts.  We need to deliberately think about something positive when we need to cancel out a negative thought.  Repeating this process will allow us to take full control over our conscious mind.

When we have a negative or malevolent worldview, we see problems and injustice, oppression and evil.  We see guilty people, limitations and unfairness.  Worst of all, according to Tracy, we will spend our time apportioning blame for all the problems we see.

Eliminating negative emotions starts with forgiving everyone who has hurt us in anyway.  Forgiveness sets us free.  It is a choice we make.  If we forgive a person, it does not mean we condone their behavior and it does not mean you have to “like” the person who hurt us.  We need to forgive to liberate ourselves.  Forgiveness is actually a selfish act.  It has to do with our mental integrity and peace of mind.

There are four groups of people we need to forgive:

1.        Parents

2.       Close relationships

3.       Everyone else in our life that has hurt us (boss, business partner, friend, etc.)

4.       Ourselves

Not forgiving one person can put the brakes on all our forward process; Tracy states.  He continues, “What we dwell upon and talk about grows in our reality. “  We need to decide to give up negative emotions.  Will you join me in becoming a positive, optimistic, happy, enthusiastic person?  If we change our thinking about ourselves and our possibilities, we will change our life.

Let’s set ourselves free.  Forgive yourself for every mistake we have made (so far) and ask for forgiveness to those we have hurt.

So how do we overcome a bad self-image and a low self-esteem?

Brian Tracy states in “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life“, “ Just as you become what you think about, you also become what you say to yourself.  The most powerful words you can repeat to yourself are, I Like Myself.”  Tracy continues, “these words are so powerful and positive, they are immediately accepted by your subconscious mind as a command.”  Try it.  Doe your body-language improve?  Are you more cheerful, more confident?  Keep practicing this.  We begin the process of change by working on our self-concept.  Imagine yourself performing at your very best in everything you do.  Learn to accept yourself unconditionally as a valuable and worthwhile person. 

We have to Exam our Premises.   These are the ideas, beliefs, opinions, and conclusions we developed since childhoods.  They are our philosophy of life.  It is not what happens to us in life that is important, it is how we react to what happens in our life.  Just like it does not matter where we came from but where we are going.  Our imagination is unlimited, so our future is unlimited.

Dissolve the Myths.  We have accepted myths that can sabotage our hopes for success.  We have the ability to be excellent in any area that is important to us.

Talk Positively to Yourself.  Our self-talk, our inner dialogue, determines 95% of our emotions; according to Tracy.  Talking to ourselves causes our subconscious mind to accept these words as commands.  This will adjust our behavior, self-image and even body language.  If you are like me, and even jokingly say negative things about yourself, join me and STOP IT!  Let’s start speaking what we desire to be true about ourselves.  We need to believe it.  Let me know if you are willing to join me and what “self-talk” you are starting.

Change your thinking Change your Life

After I helped the owner of the company I worked for shut it down, I took the first job that came my way because I needed a paycheck.  I quickly realized that I should not base my job decision just on needing a paycheck but on whether it is a good fit.  I like challenges, opportunities to solve problems, to be able to think and to grow.  I need to be a part of a group that has a goal that drives them daily.  I enjoy working with CEOs of companies, making sure the details and things that would add stress to their life are not on their plate but on mine.  I knew I needed to make changes to my life.

One Sunday morning I woke up with a book title on my mind.  Going straight to my laptop, I entered the title "Change Your Thinking Change Your Life" into Google.  The book by Brian Tracy was at the top and I clicked onto the link.  After reading about the book I knew I had to buy it.  It started me on a journey to other encouraging books and assessing myself.  I'm still on that journey.  I would like to go through the book, "Change Your Thinking Change Your Life" with you and hope you will find it as inspiring as I did.

"Change Your Thinking Change Your Life" begins with a story about a woman whose life was changed because she had amnesia.  She no longer remembered how her parents treated her as a child.  She didn't remember her fears and low self-esteem.  It is thought that a our mind is a blank slate when we are born and we become everything we learn, feel and experience.  Our self-concept is a bundle of beliefs regarding our self.  We are also born without fears and develop the fear of failure or loss and the fear of criticism or rejection which can hold us back.  I home-schooled a couple of my children.  When they would say "I can't" (one of my son's would say it often) I would have him stand in front of a mirror and look at himself and say 10 times "I can".  He says he doesn't remember it.  But he is a very confident person.  He believes he can do just about anything. So much confidence that as a teenager he skate boarded off the roof our house!  Surprisingly he didn't get hurt but he did it because he believed he could.  I like to believe I helped build that confidence in him by making him stand before that mirror.

Thomas J Watson Sr., the founder of IBM, stated, "If you want to be successful faster, double your rate of failure.  Success lives on the far said of failure."

Our beliefs are subjective.  They are not always based on facts but on information we have taken in and accepted as true.  The worst beliefs are self-limiting.  These beliefs make us feel limited or deficient in a particular area.  To break this, we have to start challenging these self-limiting beliefs.  Brian Tracy tells us that our self-concept is made up of three parts.

1. Self-Ideal - all your hopes, dreams, visions and ideals.
2. Self-image - the way you see and think about yourself.
3. Self-esteem - how much you like yourself.

Self-esteem determines your level of confidence and enthusiasm.  The more we like ourselves, the bigger the goals we will set for ourselves and the longer we will persist in achieving them.

Ten years ago I worked with a girl.  She was enthusiastic about life, had goals she wanted to accomplish, a real spark.  We went our separate ways and I did not keep in touch with her as well as I should have over the years but now I am currently working with her again.  I was surprised and dishearten to see she lost her spark, her dreams.  She has been through a lot and she works for a company that micro-manages, they focus on the negatives, majoring in the minors, breaking people's spirits and crushing self-esteems.  They believe by doing this, it will improve the individual's performance but in actuality it depletes a person's self-image and destroys their self-esteem.

How has your life experiences damaged your self-image?  What are your self-ideals - what qualities do you want to possess?

Rudolph Giuliani What are you determined to achieve?

PhyllisRice: Rudolph Giuliani What are you determined to achiev...: "Watching Mayor Giuliani after the September 11th attacks created an appreciation for him in me. He spoke with comfort, concern and encourag..."

Rudolph Giuliani What are you determined to achieve?

Watching Mayor Giuliani after the September 11th attacks created an appreciation for him in me.  He spoke with comfort, concern and encouragement.  I heard him speak recently.  He was a soft spoken man and said things that I have decided to add to my life.  He said we need to read books.  Read one book that will challenge you and one for enjoyment.  I read books that will encourage, challenge, and cause me to become a better person.  Usually they focus on business.  But then those books are the books I enjoy.

In an article I read by Giuliani titled "The Courage to Lead" he states, "that the evening of September 11th he was reading a book by Winston Churchill and realized that courage doesn't simply materialize out of thin air.  Courage begins years before, often in early days of childhood, as we forge our character.  Each choice we make either strengthens or weakens it"  Giuliani gives seven character traits that courageous people have.

Integrity.  Giuliani states that his parents constantly stressed the importance of integrity.  After years of listening to them, he realized they were teaching him to choose to be fair and honest.  They wanted him to value integrity so much that he would be willing to stand up and fight for it.  I would tell my children that if they would tell me the truth they wouldn't get into trouble but if they lied, they would wish the didn't.  After testing me, my children realized that I meant what I said.  There are times one of my children would be telling me the truth about a situation.  My face and tone of voice would be calm and loving but inside I would be thinking, "I really don't want to know this!"  Have you ever made a mistake, and could have covered it up...but didn't? That's integrity.

Determination.  Giuliani states, " Courage isn't the absence of fear, it is the management of fear.  Courage is being afraid but then doing what you have to do anyway."  He also said, "Determination inspires others."  Sometimes we don't even know what we fear until a situation faces us.  A child graduating high school and going on to college, starting a new job, moving to a new location, fighting an illness, staying in a loveless marriage are some situations that may cause someone to become fearful.  We come to a crossroad and have to make the decision to do what we have to do to push through.

Compassion & Love.  Giuliani states that during the dark days of September 11th, he realized revealing your love and compassion doesn't weaken your leadership.  It makes it stronger.  Love helps us look beyond what's best for ourselves and focus on what's best for others.  

Wisdom.  Rudolph Giuliani had prostate cancer.  Dealing with his cancer gave him wisdom about the importance of life.  Giuliani states, "Our experiences mold and shape our wisdom.  Wisdom can be gleaned from every conversation, every interaction and every book.  Just ask yourself what you can learn from this."  Having five children has caused my husband and I to go through many different experiences.  I believe we have gained wisdom by going through these experiences and have wisdom to share but will others listen.  Why is it that we seem to have to learn the hard way?

Hope, Encourage Optimism.  Giuliani states that if you let fear, worry and doubt overcome you, you will lose the battle.  Pessimistic leaders always fail.  Fear paralyzes, hope mobilizes.  Sometimes "hope" is all you have to hold onto. If you hold onto it long enough, not letting anything or anyone take it from you it works in your heart and mind and you can put "feet" to that hope and make things happen.

Composure: Don't Let Emotion Override Wisdom.  Giuliani states his father taught him that the more emotional things get, the calmer you have to become to figure your way out.  He continues, "as the old adage goes, don't sweat the small stuff.  If you worry or panic about the small, day-to-day events in life, you won't be prepared for the big ones."

Faith: Gain Strength from God.  Giuliani states he has always been enthusiastic about his faith in God and helping others.  He decided to apply his strong beliefs to real-world situations.  Giuliani continues, "Prayer and faith in God give us a strength that's impossible to attain any other way.  Perhaps that's why most of us, when the chips are down, stop and pray for guidance and strength."

Giuliani has taught me to have courage.  To look fear in the eyes and not let it over power you.  To be determined and not to give up.  What is your goal?  What are you determined to achieve?

General Colin Powell Article

I had an opportunity to hear General Colin Powell speak.  He is a very impressive man.  A real person.   He shared insights in what it took to be a strong leader.  General Powell said to have a sense of purpose, know why you are doing... this.  Have passion, it is infectious.  Leaders inspire, connect followers and take care of  followers.  Have human connection, trust, high integrity and selflessness.

He stated he missed the perks he received by being the Secretary of State.  I relate to what he said.  Not that I had perks that would come close to what he had but I miss the level of responsibility, the freedom to think and create, trips in first class I use to take and hope one day to gain back the level of responsibility and the freedoms I once possessed.

In an article titled "A Leader Worth Following" General Colin Powell shares how you can command more respect from your team.  He lists 4 different ways.

Promote Hopefulness.  He states, "As a leader, you set the tone for your entire team."

• Having a positive attitude will help your team achieve much more.  
• Having a negative attitude will quickly demoralize your team.  
• General Powell tells us to communicate our vision, share exciting news, celebrate victories and simply SMILE.

Encourage Growth.  General Powell states, "Effective leaders inspire and encourage their team members to learn new skills and grab new responsibilities."

• Keep you team growing and thriving by encouraging cross-training, read, seminars, education, brainstorming, idea boxes and much more.
• The stronger and smarter your team is, the smarter and stronger you are as a leader.

I believe General Powell would agree a leader should promote initiative.  Early in my career, I worked for a gentleman who gave me tasks and responsibilities that would stretch me.  At the time, he believed in me and my abilities more than I did.  I would complete a request and feel good about completing it but not for long because he would give me a new task or responsibility.  I am eternally grateful to him for doing that to me.  Now I believe in myself and I know that any task or request a boss can give me, I will complete with excellence.

Leader vs Manager.  General Powell states, "Titles mean little in terms of real power.  Just because you possess a title doesn't mean that you will obtain respect of those around you."  I believe people follow leaders who encourage growth, give responsibilities and trust those they give the responsibilities too.  They set expectations and aren't afraid to pat people on the back as well as support and train those who are falling short.

Ask Questions.  He states, "In the business world, if you don't stop to ask for directions, you'll sink.  Great leaders know that asking the right questions unearths problems and yields tremendous understanding about their customers, employees and operations.  Take time to survey everyone!"  

There are a number a employee satisfaction surveys out there that are inexpensive, use them.  Make sure they are anonymous, available to everyone in the company and listen to what they say.  Don't try to justify what you are already doing.  Make sure it is working.

I worked for a consultant, though he would not be happy with me for calling him one.  One of our client's company just completed an online survey we provided to his employees.  I remember my boss struggling with what he had to tell the CEO.  If he shared the truth, it may end the "gig" which would provide a nice income for our company.  My boss was flown to the client's company on the CEO's private jet to present the findings.  I am pleased to say he flew back on a commercial flight (in coach) because he shared the truth.  It is unfortunate for the CEO and his company.  The CEO chose not to listen to what his employees had to say.

 

Never Be Afraid to Make People Mad.  General Powell States, "Sometimes you'll have to make tough decisions that not everyone will like.  Prepare yourself for these moments by thinking through WHY you made the decision.  Pinpoint WHY your decision is best for your TEAM, your CUSTOMERS, and the company."

The article ends by stating, "Exceptional leaders possess passion and tenacity."  Some leaders have passion but lack tenacity.  Because the plan isn't completed in the time frame they wanted, they give up or change the plan.  Tenacity. Not that a plan can't be tweaked, but stay with it.  A former boss I would often say we have to keep pushing this boulder up hill.  When you reach the top the satisfaction is exhilarating!